Friday, April 28, 2006
Monday, January 09, 2006
Christ! I Love Cartoons.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
I Couldn't Wait To Get Out.
Continuing my accounts of my battle with depression and anxiety. I was anxious to get out of the residential home and into a place of my own. I was offered a bungalow which was being built in the local town, by a housing association. It was to be specially adapted to my personal needs. I couldn't wait, although nervous about coping on my own, it must be better than residing in an institution.
By now my anxiety had reached the point where I could no longer sleep in my room on my own. All the residents had their own room, and at night there would be two staff on duty to look after upto twenty four people. If you needed assistance you had to alert the staff via a buzzer system, and if they were busy, it could take several minutes for them to get to you. Well this really worried me, if I had a panic attack, I may have to wait before someone would turn up, making me panic more. You see when these attacks happened, I was convinced that I was going to die, I mean, really sure. So I had a friend sleep on the floor in my room, or if no one was able to, I would stay up all night, and sometimes get drunk and pass out. It's really hard to explain to someone what it feels like when going through something like that.
to be continued...
Monday, November 21, 2005
I'm Going Through With It This Time.
My new appointment came the other day, the one for the lapyroscopy. I've mentioned it before, it is for Monday November 28th. This involves passing a small camera up the penis and into the bladder, so I can have a supa-pubic catheter fitted. The doctor will make an incision through the skin and into the bladder. After making the incision a thin tube known as a catheter is then incerted through the hole and into the bladder where it will stay. That is how I will be peeing from then on.
I will be glad when it is over with. As I've stated before, I am reluctant to have anything done at a hospital, for fear of catching one of the many super-bugs you can catch. I have decided to go ahead because I am having problems with the current method I use to have a pee. I have accidents regularly where I get wet, which causes great anguish and frustration. I use these things called 'penis-pouches', which fit over the penis and are stuck on with tape, and attached to a plastic bag via a tube. All very inconvenient.